


the ties that bind

by andmynewlymeltedheart



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Starblaster - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-12
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2019-08-22 11:50:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16597325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andmynewlymeltedheart/pseuds/andmynewlymeltedheart
Summary: lup considers her loved ones as she makes a difficult choice.





	the ties that bind

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first TAZ fanwork! i hope you enjoy!

she thinks of a phrase she once heard from a paladin she passed on the main road through neverwinter.

“the ties that bind.” it was enough to catch her attention on a cold and somewhat lonely afternoon. 

“it’s a saying,” the holy man declared, “that lets one know that the ones they love are always with them. the ties are

figurative, they’re metaphorical. or so they say.

the ones we love are always bound to us in spirit, even if we can’t see them, they’re with us, tied to us, forever.”

she thinks of this as she’s scrawling out slowly the two hardest words she’s ever written.

“back soon.”

tug.

it’s a lie.

she won’t be gone forever, she hopes. she plans.

she doesn’t like lying, not to them, not to her family. it’s never been her way. and yet she knows that this lie is for them.

to save them? to save herself? she still isn’t quite sure.

but lup knows that the power of the gauntlet, and the possibility of its power destroying this new world that she’d meant to finally save is harder to bear than a life without them, if only by a microscopic margin.

she pulls on one sleeve, and then the other, and she fashions her thick curls into a plait that rests on the folds of the hood of her crimson garment, now slipping slightly from her left shoulder. the robes are looser now, her body has changed, a result of her appetite waning with each new piece of horrifying news of the gauntlet’s destruction, and it was now bearing a new physical evidence of the toll that her creation was taking on her. she takes in a sharp breath, the crisp morning air drifting in through the window and pulling a thousand knives into her lungs, piercing her deeply as she is faced with the gravity of what she is about to do.

she checks in on the nerd, first.

barry, _her_ barry, is curled up in a chair in the corner of her chambers. they had stayed up late the previous night, talking as they normally did, searching for answers, something, anything to end to the devastation they had unintentionally wrought. they were coming up short, and as she curled up on barry’s lap, one arm tucked behind his back and one resting lightly on his chest, she knew he sensed something, a change in her direction, but he didn’t push. he never pushed. and she appreciated that during those last few hours she had in his loose embrace, and in that time she found herself wondering when– if– she would be here again.

she kisses him now on the forehead and pulls his glasses from their drooped position on the bridge of his nose. she places them gingerly on her dresser, fearful of making too much noise and waking barry– she couldn’t face leaving him when he could easily talk her into staying. she pulls a blanket up and over his shoulders and brushes his hair from his forehead, leaving her hand a moment longer on his cheek. he nestles his face into her cupped palm and sighs contentedly, and she fights against the urge to stay.

she can’t stay.

tug.

she moves onto taako next, and stifles a soft chuckle upon seeing the position he’s sleeping in. all the space in his bed and still he tucks his knees close to his chest, like they’re still sharing a narrow wooden bench in the back of a crowded stagecoach. he looks so small, something which, lup thinks, taako decidedly _isn’t._

she caves for a moment and crawls in next to her brother, careful not to disturb the sleep of her best friend, her heart, and for a moment she feels safe. he always makes her feel safe.

she remembers a time with their aunt who, when they stayed with her, gave them her bed, and thinks of the quiet laughter they shared on nights when sleep evaded them, the hours of reading and study, the card games in which they wagered things as small as side dishes and as incomprehensible as time itself.

she recalls a specific afternoon– the twins sitting somewhat rigidly, their gangly adolescent legs taking up all of the bed and none of it simultaneously, while rain pounds on the window.

“my cards are incredible, puddin pie, you really should just fold now,” taako taunts, wiggling his eyebrows. lup raises her own. he’s being as cocky as usual, but she knows how to get him.

“oh really? how good are they, _wang lord_?” he furrows his brow, and she smirks. he’s annoyed, but he keeps going.

“really good, _actually_ , why do you ask?”

“because i think you’re bluffing.”

“oh yeah? well fine then. don’t believe me. but here– i bet my two next meals that my cards are gonna kick your cards _asses._ ”

“two meals? that means uhh... well that means  _dick_ taako. bet something better.”

taako pulls the pillow supporting his back out from under him and launches it at her, feathers flying as it hits her square in the face, and she laughs while his face grows stern.

“ _fine!_ i bet you two… i bet you. two. years. of my _fucking_ life lup. that’s how _fucking good my cards are_.”

there was a ferocity in his eyes that only she could recognize as a veil, a bluff, but it caught her off guard for a moment. sure the twins always had a flair for the dramatic, but lup can always tell when he’s putting up a front. still, she was positive that he meant it. and so they place their cards down.

her hand is better. by far.

taako swings his legs and launches off the bed, cursing.

“i’ll be collecting those years at my convenience, your highness.”

"oh yeah, sure, _all fuckin right,"_ then, he turns on his heel, head tilted. “your highness?”

“ _oho_ yeah. you just upgraded from wang lord to _boner king_ , my pal.”

and as she remembers taako’s huffed exit the memory of her own laughter rings through her mind, followed quickly by taako’s repressed chuckles.

lup pats him on the arm now and smiles softly. she’d give anything to take that time with him, and even with the hundred years she’d already been given she knew that it would never be enough. “i’ll be back, dingus, so be prepped to settle up,” she whispers, and she sees a faint smile curl at the corner of his mouth. he’s still asleep, but she knows, somewhere deep inside, he heard her.

she doesn’t say goodbye to the others. she can’t.

instead, she squeezes taako’s hand and stands up to leave.

tug.

and she walks out the door.

tug.

and she travels for miles and miles across faerûn, further and further away from the starblaster, from her family, from barry and taako.

tug tug _tug **tug**_ **.**

the ties that bind are… figurative, they say, metaphorical.

 _bullshit_ thinks lup.

she feels those ties now, real as the nose on her face, tightening, squeezing her heart as they become taut, and she pushes on, pulling further and further away from her family, from her love, and from her heart, testing the strength of those ties, testing her own strength to withstand the pain. the weeks pass and she feels those ties still, squeezing, pulling, but no, she can’t let up the slack, not yet, just a _little more time._

and as she feels cyrus rockseeker’s blade cut deep into her back, and as she feels the silver point poison take hold, she curses the loss of her corporeal form, having hoped that it would take her back to barry and taako and her family aboard the starblaster. _i’m going to be just a little longer, boys,_  she thinks, hoping-- foolishly, furiously-- that somehow it’ll reach them, and she channels every ounce of her strength to hold tight to those bonds, those precious ties.

and as she rises out of her body and takes her spectral form, those ties ground her. she knows that they’re real, because they’re going to keep her… _her._


End file.
